Bereavement Photography Gives Consolation Following Perinatal Loss

From the time of my earliest memories, I have always loved photographs. Even as a small child, I’d peer carefully at old photos of relatives I’d never know, noting clothing styles, home furnishings, the family farm—taking in the entire scene, whatever it was.

It is, I suppose, a natural progression that I moved from that early infatuation to creating, with my husband, lasting photographic memories for the clients of our photography business. Our business is primarily one of wedding photography, but we also photograph families in their homes or beautiful park-like settings, capturing the closeness, tenderness and love the family members share.

But, not all photographic sessions are happy occasions. The memories preserved at the sad times, however, are no less valuable to a family.

A few years back, Laurie Van Damme, a labor and delivery nurse in Florida (read her story at www.nurseconnect.com soon), recognized the benefit to grieving families, who were experiencing a perinatal loss, of having photographs of themselves with the baby who had not survived. Van Damme’s mantra is, “Grief is not about forgetting, but remembering.”

The grieving families do not always meet the idea with acceptance. Nurses explain that the opportunity, once missed, cannot be regained. In cases where families still refuse, they’re informed that a few photos will be taken of the baby alone for the hospital’s files. With only one exception, those families have contacted the hospital later to ask for the photos, desperate for memories of the child they lost and had little or no time with.

One father, who was opposed to the idea initially, said that viewing the DVD with his baby’s photographs has helped his family with the grieving process. He stated that his resistance to the idea had more to do with his being so consumed by grief that he was not thinking clearly, than for any other reason.

My daughter is expecting her first child. When I told her the story of the Healing Hearts project, she immediately suggested that the idea should be gently and briefly introduced in prenatal classes, presented in its most basic form and emphasizing the benefits. Her reasoning is that grief is not in the picture at that time and the thinking of those hearing the message isn’t clouded by overwhelming emotions. The seed of the idea would be planted, considered and tucked away, with the hope it would never be needed but not foreign should it ever be.

My daughter is right about finding a target audience in prenatal classes, but would the idea of presenting there ever fly with instructors or expectant couples? Most participants are first-time parents who may already be nervous enough about the entire pregnancy and birth process. Would broaching a sorrowful possibility in class cause more problems than it would cure?

Perinatal loss often occurs before the time a couple begins prenatal classes, so what is the answer for reaching those who experience a loss prior to that time? Bereavement photography is a relatively new and not widespread approach to grief support. More publicity for the concept in newspapers, magazines and community health forums is certainly needed, but is there a place for it in prenatal classes?

If you have experience or opinions regarding any facet of this subject, please share your thoughts.